Elocution

International Cat Day

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National Cat Day - Facebook

International Cat Day - Wikiwand

Original image - Pixabay

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Spaced-Out Munchies No. I

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Some claim Vegetarians produce more methane in a year than cows.

Read the statistics in the comments at the - LINK

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Would You Marry Me?Originally TitledSpeaking Of Women IIIYet Another ProposalFrom A Local Politician

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          Illustrated by Terri Kelleher

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Would You Marry Me?

Would you marry me?

No

Why not?

You would make a bigamist out of me

But it's me who is married and not you

Well if you can have two husbands then I would want two wives, in fact I would have three or four

Why would you want three or four?

I would want a little fat one to do the cooking

But she might not like it

Oh yes she would, she would love it, you know the type, nibbling at the ingredients all day. "Um Jam Roly-Poly" while taking a teaspoon to get the last of the jam from the jar

Who else would you have?

Would we live in a big house with a big garden back and front?

Yes

Then we would need a gardener, get her birthday presents pretending they are for her

Like what?

Like a Flymo

And what would you be doing?

I'd be sitting on the patio reading the newspaper, and she would be saying, ah look at the flowers aren't they beautiful, what do think of the roses?

And I would look up briefly and say, "Aye Canny"

And what would be my purpose?

To check when the bed linen needs to be changed

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With a reluctant smile on her face

While all the lads around and about are busting a gut



First Posted Here

Is Homosexually A Sin?byGeordie GardinerIn Conversation With Students From Sunderland

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Is homosexually a sin?

It is written

What is?

That man should not lie with man

Is there a cure for homosexually?

Of course there is, do not be despondent

So what is the cure?

Well first of all you need to find yourself a good woman

Then what?

Late at night draw the curtains, turn the light out and pretend she is Yul Brynner





Why Yul Brynner?

Because Rameses needed a good fuckin

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BeliefbyGeordie Gardiner

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Belief

Belief is a strange thing, it can be a great benefit to those who believe but what is strange is that for it to be of benefit you have to believe it is true even if it happens not to be true.

If you do not believe it is true then it is of no benefit.

Christians believe that God is with them and subsequently it is of great benefit to them throughout their life.

At the end of their life the thought of going to a better place helps to make their passing far less traumatic.

Lets look at hypochondriacs

They go to the doctors with an ailment, thinking it is real.

They believe it is real so to them it is real.

The person has likely to have been assessed over many years and has been found to have had many such illnesses, so the doctor examines the person and not being able to find any problem he prescribes chalk.

The chalk is in tablet form and hypochondriacs believe the medication will cure them, which it does not but they believe it will so it does.

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The Pen Is sightlier With DiscordbyGeordie Gardiner

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The zip is better than a button
And the hen came before the egg
but there are some left
That are bereft
Of any true meaning

The pen is mightier than the sword
Is often said
with pretty polly scratching its head
Because it's fashionable
To be fashionable
And to pretend that you're well read

Or at least wise enough to repeat what others have said
But it's those with rage
Who consider a blank page
As the start
Of a bloody revoluion

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Do you ever have shit on your arse?byGeordie Gardiner

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I was having a drink a few weeks back in a pub in Fatfield
It was an afternoon and fairly packed
Before long the conversation got round to Christianity
And once the ball started to roll they where all ears
One of the young women asked me to say a prayer for Dave Bowie
I even had them singing hymns
I goaded them:
"If I can tell you the history of my favourite hymns will you sing them?
But only if what I have to say is interesting
If you don't find it interesting then you need not bother
What do you say"
And so with the help of YouTube I was able to get the words up on a screen
30 minutes or so later it developed into a group discussion
About politics
They wanted to know my thoughts
It became very relaxed
And in a lull a young man said:

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Can I ask you something?

Yeah, whatever you want

Do you ever have shit on your arse?

Well you might construe to believe my answer is in regard to people but you would be wrong, it's not

It's not?

No

Then what is it about?

It's about shit?

Shit?

Yeah, that's what you asked me about, you asked me about shit and not about people, so my answer would be in regard to shit.

Errrr yeah, OK,

Well do you know a soft shit?

A soft shit?

Aye you've had one before, haven't you?

What?

A soft shit, you've had one?

Well yeah

Well you see a soft shit leaves shit on your arse. But you know a tough shit........it doesn't leave a speck ...(Laughter Form The Pub)... so it would be a waste of time me asking you the same question

What question?

Do you ever have shit on your arse?

Why?

Because you have just admitted that you do, so it would be a waste of time asking

(More Laughter Form The Pub)

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THE MONS VISITOR

by

Geordie Gardiner

It is a coincidence that the first British soldier killed in the First World War and the last British soldier killed in the First World War were killed in Mons.

Strange though it may seem, it is just a coincidence. Stranger things have happen, I am sure.

People are strange, when you're a stranger and nothing can be stranger than what people claim to see and with often reported celestial activity, people are bound to look to the clouds to see what they can see.

Both John Parr and George Edwin Ellison where buried in the same cemetery and as the years passed by the talk was of the sky and not of the spot where you stand to view, and wish you were a tree.

Then one day there was yet another "visitor."

Likely a sceptic, if you ask me.

And without a glance to the heavens he saw.

And was amazed, with awe and wonder that in over 90 years since the noise of man-made thunder

The lighting, was of such purity, that he could not help but see

The futility

The insanity

Of never knowing

How such can be

It being a coincidence

A complete coincidence

That there in rest

Is the headstone of one

Facing the other one

And it

Was all for me

Me

Me, me,

The me

Me, me society

Who don't give a hoot

If you're dammed of blessed.

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Originally posted in the "Fire of the Lord" blog at the picture link below, where you can find information on how the Pentecostal church in the UK grew from developments that started in Sunderland by the Rev. Alexander Boddy who was also involved in the story of the Angles of Mons, which were clained to have been seen at the fists battle in the First World War that included British troops.

Anti-Christian RhetoricbyGeordie Gardiner

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Anti-Christian Rhetoric

People who do not believe believe they know how to believe

The collective brain
Soaking

Like a sponge in the rain
All that should flow down the drain

Then repeated
Again and again

Till it's stuck in their brain
And so they can get to repeat

The thoughts of the collective brain
That they are seeking

Weather good or bad
Whether happy or sad

Sane or mad
They are all glad

That there is a hymn book
That fits

The fashion of the week
That they can all sing from

"I am a pacifist"
Who would go out and kill?

Just for the thrill
Of a revolution

But you
You should not kill

And blood should not spill
If someone attacks you

"Jesus would not kill a fly"
But they bat an eye

In case anyone should spy
A herd of pigs

Who ran into the sea
For other than to wash there

So it goes on and on
And on and on

Repeated
Half-truths

Spouted from wannabe strewths
From the hightest roofs

Because they know
What you should know



That they are atheists

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Jesus In The Garden

Jesus In The Garden by Bob Sample

Geordie's Thoughts:

I think the expression on the face of Jesus is very interesting.

I asked myself, "what is it that the sculptor is trying to convey?"

I came to the conclusion that it was exasperation.

The title I would give to the sculpture is, "Jesus listens to yet another stupid question."

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See Bob Sample's work at the link:

Anti-Suffragette Attitudes EXPOSED

Opposition Against The Suffragette Movement

September, 25th 1920


Approximately one hundred years ago woman on both sides of the Atlantic fought for the right to vote.

Opposition against the Suffragette movement was widespread and is well documented.

The Woman Patriot was a weekly tabloid published in the United States from April 27, 1918 to December 1932. The paper was published by the Woman’s Anti-Suffrage Association and it claimed to be Dedicated to the Defence of The Family and the State and Against Feminism and Socialism. Margaret C. Robinson and Mary Kilbreth were the editors.

Mrs. H. Riordan

Please Click On The Above Image To Open Details From The Library of Congress:

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On finding that many of the Suffragettes in America had links to New York I decide to investigate further, with the idea of possibly posting information in one of my Blogs dedicated to artwork that depicts New York.

I was able to find a number of interesting photographs of the leading American Suffragettes, including a very good image of Mrs. H. Riordan, taken in New York that belonged to the George Grantham Bain Collection, which was acquired by the Library of Congress in 1948.

The photograph was taken in 1911 and shows Mrs. H. Riordan while distributing "The American Suffragette" that was produced by the National Progressive Woman Suffrage Union.

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See Larger Image

Please Click The Image To See A Larger Version:

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The photograph can be found for sale in a number of places on the internet and can also be found in a number of other Web pages and Blogs.

All examples of the image that I have found include the damaged area that can be seen on the right of the image, which I find to be a distraction that draws the eye away from the main point of interest.

As the image has no known restrictions on publication I thought I would attempt to see how it would look without the damaged area.

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I have an HND in documentary photography and have studied Electronic Media Design at university, I have been restoring photographs and changing them to make them look funny for many years and so I find the process a lot of fun.

Once while working on an image I uncovered a subliminal message.

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A Restored Example

I stated by removing all the spots, scratches and blemishes, before moving on to the main damaged area.

Most of the work on the main damaged area was produced while working at full magnification, starting with the door, then the step before moving on to the figure on the extreme right of the image.

I then worked on the man's hand cleaning the side of the shop entrance and finally began to work on the area that looks a little like a shopping bag that looks to be in the left hand of the man cleaning the side of the shop entrance.

It was while working on the final area of the photograph in full magnification that I became aware of being able to see the man's penis.

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The Exposure

I believe the original photograph would have looked very close to the way the above image looks.

It is likely that the damage to the original glass negative was not accidental and that it was an attempt to cover the area in order to make sales of the photograph to newspapers and magazines that otherwise would not accept the original image.

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Speaking Of Women IIIYet Another ProposalFrom A Local politician

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Would you marry me?
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No
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Why not?
__



You would make a bigamist out of me
__



But it's me who is married and not you
__



Well if you can have two husbands then I would want two wives, in fact I would have three or four.
__



Why would you want three or four?
__



I would want a little fat one to do the cooking
__



But she might not like it
__



Oh yes she would, she would love it, you know the type, nibbling at the ingredients all day. "Um Jam Roly-Poly" while taking a teaspoon to get the last of the jam from the jar
__



Who else would you have?
__



Would we live in a big house with a big garden back and front?
__



Yes
__



Then we would need a gardener, get her birthday presents pretending they are for her.
__



Like what?
__



Like a Flymo
__



And what would you be doing?
__



I'd be sitting on the patio reading the newspaper, and she would be saying, ah look at the flowers aren't they beautiful, what do think of the roses?

And I would look up briefly and say, Aye Canny
__



And what would be my purpose?
__



To check when the bed linen needs to be changed
__

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With a reluctant smile on her face

While all the lads around and about are busting a gut

Google Calm

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Music Break - with - Geordie's Choice

Music Break - with - Geordie's Choice

Speaking Of Women I

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A question often asked, at least in this neck of the woods is:

Do you think I am beautiful?

The question is asked by those who are and those who are obviously not.

I ask if the woman is married, if they reply, yes, then I reply:


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Your husband is your beholder

Ask him

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Speaking Of Women I I

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Another question often asked, at least in this neck of the woods is:

Would you marry me?

Over the last 15 year or so it is probably the question I have been asked most often by women.

The question is not a proposal.

It is an attempt to view the fairy tale world that a lot of woman think of that includes a tint of the other persons thoughts.

Big House

Garden

Kids

Gifts

And Holidays

Over many years I have become totally bored with all, to the extent that now I often answer, "Not a cat in hells chance."

"Urrrr so, what did you think of the score of the football match over the weekend gone?"

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Army Humour I I Blind Faith

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Reason leads to the scientific method: doubt, questions, intelligent guessing, testing and then truth or not truth is known Superstition leads to beliefs based on hearsay, testimony, second, third, and greater accounts, fear, wishful thinking and blind faith.

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Ha-ha-ha

S*** it reminds me of a nickname the regiment I was in had.

We carried nukes, it's no longer an official secret and has not been an official secret for years. There are American Amy documents on the net that include public domain info on the regiment, which I choose not to give the URL address for.

Should anyone from the cloak and dagger brigade ever pass this way - Two Seven Squadron.

Anyway we called ourselves the mushrooms.

Conversations went as follows:




Why do they call you the mushrooms?

Why do you think they call us the mushrooms?

Is it because of the mushroom cloud?

No

Then why do they call you the mushrooms?

Because we are feed on shit and kept in the dark.




I suppose it might help to add, that our officers when asked question such as, "So sir, what happens after we fire them?"

Would answer, "You will be told on a need to know basis."


Someone "kept in the dark" does not know what is happening.

And all the lads thought the food that the Catering Corps served up was crap.

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