Would you marry me?
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No
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Why not?
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You would make a bigamist out of me
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But it's me who is married and not you
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Well if you can have two husbands then I would want two wives, in fact I would have three or four.
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Why would you want three or four?
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I would want a little fat one to do the cooking
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But she might not like it
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Oh yes she would, she would love it, you know the type, nibbling at the ingredients all day. "Um Jam Roly-Poly" while taking a teaspoon to get the last of the jam from the jar
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Who else would you have?
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Would we live in a big house with a big garden back and front?
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Yes
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Then we would need a gardener, get her birthday presents pretending they are for her.
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Like what?
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Like a Flymo
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And what would you be doing?
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I'd be sitting on the patio reading the newspaper, and she would be saying, ah look at the flowers aren't they beautiful, what do think of the roses?
And I would look up briefly and say, Aye Canny
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And what would be my purpose?
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To check when the bed linen needs to be changed
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With a reluctant smile on her face
While all the lads around and about are busting a gut
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