Elocution

International Cat Day

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National Cat Day - Facebook

International Cat Day - Wikiwand

Original image - Pixabay

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Spaced-Out Munchies No. I

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Some claim Vegetarians produce more methane in a year than cows.

Read the statistics in the comments at the - LINK

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Would You Marry Me?Originally TitledSpeaking Of Women IIIYet Another ProposalFrom A Local Politician

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          Illustrated by Terri Kelleher

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Would You Marry Me?

Would you marry me?

No

Why not?

You would make a bigamist out of me

But it's me who is married and not you

Well if you can have two husbands then I would want two wives, in fact I would have three or four

Why would you want three or four?

I would want a little fat one to do the cooking

But she might not like it

Oh yes she would, she would love it, you know the type, nibbling at the ingredients all day. "Um Jam Roly-Poly" while taking a teaspoon to get the last of the jam from the jar

Who else would you have?

Would we live in a big house with a big garden back and front?

Yes

Then we would need a gardener, get her birthday presents pretending they are for her

Like what?

Like a Flymo

And what would you be doing?

I'd be sitting on the patio reading the newspaper, and she would be saying, ah look at the flowers aren't they beautiful, what do think of the roses?

And I would look up briefly and say, "Aye Canny"

And what would be my purpose?

To check when the bed linen needs to be changed

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With a reluctant smile on her face

While all the lads around and about are busting a gut



First Posted Here

Is Homosexually A Sin?byGeordie GardinerIn Conversation With Students From Sunderland

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Is homosexually a sin?

It is written

What is?

That man should not lie with man

Is there a cure for homosexually?

Of course there is, do not be despondent

So what is the cure?

Well first of all you need to find yourself a good woman

Then what?

Late at night draw the curtains, turn the light out and pretend she is Yul Brynner





Why Yul Brynner?

Because Rameses needed a good fuckin

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BeliefbyGeordie Gardiner

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Belief

Belief is a strange thing, it can be a great benefit to those who believe but what is strange is that for it to be of benefit you have to believe it is true even if it happens not to be true.

If you do not believe it is true then it is of no benefit.

Christians believe that God is with them and subsequently it is of great benefit to them throughout their life.

At the end of their life the thought of going to a better place helps to make their passing far less traumatic.

Lets look at hypochondriacs

They go to the doctors with an ailment, thinking it is real.

They believe it is real so to them it is real.

The person has likely to have been assessed over many years and has been found to have had many such illnesses, so the doctor examines the person and not being able to find any problem he prescribes chalk.

The chalk is in tablet form and hypochondriacs believe the medication will cure them, which it does not but they believe it will so it does.

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